Percussion Violations (Anonymous)

1st Law of Percussion Music

Percussionists will unfailingly misplace music as a concert approaches. Corollary: All parts will be misplaced at least once. Percussionists will try to fake their parts until they are eventually caught.

1st Law of Auxiliary Percussion
The whereabouts of all auxiliary percussion instruments will never be known simultaneously. Corollary: If the lost item or items are found, another will come up missing.

1st Law of Traveling Percussion
At least one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school on every band trip.
2nd Law of Traveling Percussion
On every band trip at least one important piece of equipment will be left at the concert site.
3rd Law of Traveling Percussion
At any festival at least one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with one belonging to another school. Corollary: Your school will, unfortunately, bring home the one of lesser quality. Percussionists will lose sticks. Corollaries: 1. Drummers will always claim that the sticks were stolen. 2. The lost sticks will miraculously appear the day after new ones.

1st Law of Drumsticks are bought.

Principle of Cueing Cymbal Players
Cue the cymbal player and he/she won't enter. Corollary: Don't cue the cymbal player and he/she will enter at the wrong time.

Premature Deafness Ratio
The severity of a director's hearing loss is in direct proportion to how many percussionists he/she started each year.

Law of Doors vs. Timpani
The school's largest timpani will always be at least half an inch wider than the door to the auditorium.

Percussionist's Placebo
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Without a doubt, the percussionists will always practice visuals before they practice their music. The former will be amazing, the latter will stink.

Selective Acoustics Theorem
While they can't be heard from the director's podium, the percussion section will sound loudest where ever the judges choose to sit.

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