Sax Player Violations (John Adams)

Schedule of Violations

Name of Offender_____________

Pours spit from bell onto charts...$10
Forgetting neck strap...$25
Arriving at gig with no time to tune up...$50
Playing first solo on every tune...$75
Putting shrimp from buffet into coat pocket...$100
Leaving the building during breaks...$300
Wearing a tux not cleaned or pressed since Nixon was President...$500, no wait we have cut them a little slack!...$5

Going to bar for a drink immediately after each of his solos...$150
Playing "Coltrane-changes" on solo on "in the mood"...$200
Playing solos as long as the entire "ascension" album on "in the mood"...$250
Playing solos as long as the entire "ascension" album on every tune...$300
Leaning back and forth when playing alterations so that he looks like a car dash-board ornament...$325

Complaining about his "crappy" reed after first tune...$400
Complaining about his "crappy" reed after every tune...$500
Complaining about his stuck key(s)...$600
Plays wrong notes due to stuck keys...$650
Changing reed after every tune...$700
Asks leader for a screw-driver or rubber-bands to fix stuck key(s)...$800
Soaking reeds in jar that looks like a science project from grade school...$900

Laying back more than Dexter Gordon...$1000
Rushing more than your high school band's lead alto player...$2000
Playing harmony parts louder than the entire trumpet section...$1200
Playing like boots randoplh...$2000
Playing like Clarence Clemmons...$2500
Playing like Kenny G, even on the Kenny G tunes...immediate dismissal

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